i'm becoming a better human, friend.

working on it.

i still think of you. in strange and slightly contradictory ways.

i hope  you learn how to love.

part of me - a Significant part of me - hopes you learn how to love and get (back?) to loving me. 

but that might be 4 am strangeness kicking in .

seems so awful and borderline utopic to be given love without having to ask for it. to be given Enough love.

is that even possible?

i keep thinking that when i'll find it i'll look back and go "yep, it definitely was", but it seems more reasonable to think that there'll always be this hole inside of me. from birth or before birth or childhood trauma or misadaptation. 

or pesonal decisions.

loneliness, sadness, suffering. 

astea-s constante ale vietii,

incep sa cred,

even at their lowest, they seem to be there. they should be understood and accepted; lived with; leaned into and allowed to help us in

becoming a better human, friend.

assist us in

working on it.

comfort us when

thinking of each other. in strange and contradictory ways

teaching us (hopefully)

to love

at least partly, but maybe wholly, each other.

but that,

it might really be,

just 4 30 strangeness

kicking in.

in truth, i still miss who i think you could be,

who i think you are,

more than who you were.

but i do,

selfishly, i know,

think and hope that you are more of who you could be now.

could we go to sleep now, please?

 

 

 

'guess not.